Kids say the darndest things...
8 years ago
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I Should Be a Doctor By Now...
Drumroll please.....I am pleased to announce that I will be joining the University of Tennessee's graduating class this Spring, 2009!!! Now, I realize that everyone else has been admiring their nicely framed diplomas for about 4 years now...but I am thrilled to say the long road to becoming a UT alum has come to an end. Many of you have followed my trials and tribulations along the way and I would like to thank you for your continued support! Along the way I have taken an "At-Home" course, (which I don't think even made it out of the box), an online class at Tennessee State University with all the sista gurls and brothas, and last but not least, Nashville State Community College- where a 50 year old man with a speech impediment and reading disability earned a higher grade in the class than me...can we say t-t-tr-tr-tris-triste... (that is 'sad' in Spanish.) I couldn't be more excited!! Btw...if you all were here right now, I would make you stand in a circle around me and sing Sir Fidel. Go Vols!!!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Ice Baths and Warning Labels
I'll try to keep this posting as non-graphic as possible, but I'm not making any promises. Read at your own risk. So this past Saturday I was set to run 14 miles for my marathon training. This is the longest I have ever run in my life- so I had been mentally preparing myself all week. Last year when I ran the half (13.1) there were thousands of screaming fans...er...spectators cheering me on, so this time it was up to me to pump myself up.
The past 8-10 Saturdays I have gone through the same ritual: alarm at 5:30am, get dressed in my professional running gear, eat a power bar on the way to the run, warm-up, and hit the pavement. Now, if it ain't broke, don't fix it right?! Well, this past Saturday I decided I needed to switch up my breakfast 'power' bar. Doesn't sound like a big deal right? WRONG. Started out great- made it through mile 3; then made it through mile 8; I even made it up what looked like Mt. Everest on mile 11; so close!! Now, about mile 14 I was faced with a dilemma that stopped me dead in my tracks. I could either sprint to the end and find a bathroom, or...well...poop in the middle of the road. I managed to run/walk/hobble/clench my way back to the store where we started only to find they didn't have restrooms. I'm thinking...ok...somehow I'm going to have to make it home. I got to the first stop light and peeled into the Exxon; I think I took out a mexican. I almost left my car in the intersection and ran in. Had that lady not opened that door when she did, well, we would have had a clean-up on Aisle 7. Now, I know most of you are thinking- Doss, this is gross. And I would have to agree, but it is amazing what my body has experienced throughout this training process and I felt the need to share.
Two gas stations stops later, I made it home and I'll be damned if I didn't dig through the trash to find that 'power' bar wrapper and see what was in it. Not suprisingly, this is what I found printed on the back: WARNING! This product contains sugar alcohols that may cause gastrointestinal discomfort. This product may have a laxative effect. Well no shit! Literally.
After my bowels calmed down, it was time for my 1st Ice Bath! I had all the neccessary materials- warm coffee (which didn't help my current situation), magazines, phone, etc. I sat down in the tub, with my running tights still on- sweatshirt, scarf and hat- and turned on the cold water. I let it fill up above my legs and then dumped in 15 pounds of ice. After I came back from my black-out, I stayed in for 15 minutes. My feet were screaming and my body was completely numb from the waist down. *Thank you Mauri for distracting me this entire time!* Once the alarm went off, I shout out of that tub so fast only to discover I had no feeling in my legs- I looked like Bambi on ice. As of Monday- my legs feel spectacular-ish...and the ice bath will now become a part of my Saturday training ritual.
The moral of this story is- don't take laxatives before a long run. And I would also like to thank Pure Protein for overshadowing one of my greatest physical accomplishments.
The past 8-10 Saturdays I have gone through the same ritual: alarm at 5:30am, get dressed in my professional running gear, eat a power bar on the way to the run, warm-up, and hit the pavement. Now, if it ain't broke, don't fix it right?! Well, this past Saturday I decided I needed to switch up my breakfast 'power' bar. Doesn't sound like a big deal right? WRONG. Started out great- made it through mile 3; then made it through mile 8; I even made it up what looked like Mt. Everest on mile 11; so close!! Now, about mile 14 I was faced with a dilemma that stopped me dead in my tracks. I could either sprint to the end and find a bathroom, or...well...poop in the middle of the road. I managed to run/walk/hobble/clench my way back to the store where we started only to find they didn't have restrooms. I'm thinking...ok...somehow I'm going to have to make it home. I got to the first stop light and peeled into the Exxon; I think I took out a mexican. I almost left my car in the intersection and ran in. Had that lady not opened that door when she did, well, we would have had a clean-up on Aisle 7. Now, I know most of you are thinking- Doss, this is gross. And I would have to agree, but it is amazing what my body has experienced throughout this training process and I felt the need to share.
Two gas stations stops later, I made it home and I'll be damned if I didn't dig through the trash to find that 'power' bar wrapper and see what was in it. Not suprisingly, this is what I found printed on the back: WARNING! This product contains sugar alcohols that may cause gastrointestinal discomfort. This product may have a laxative effect. Well no shit! Literally.
After my bowels calmed down, it was time for my 1st Ice Bath! I had all the neccessary materials- warm coffee (which didn't help my current situation), magazines, phone, etc. I sat down in the tub, with my running tights still on- sweatshirt, scarf and hat- and turned on the cold water. I let it fill up above my legs and then dumped in 15 pounds of ice. After I came back from my black-out, I stayed in for 15 minutes. My feet were screaming and my body was completely numb from the waist down. *Thank you Mauri for distracting me this entire time!* Once the alarm went off, I shout out of that tub so fast only to discover I had no feeling in my legs- I looked like Bambi on ice. As of Monday- my legs feel spectacular-ish...and the ice bath will now become a part of my Saturday training ritual.
The moral of this story is- don't take laxatives before a long run. And I would also like to thank Pure Protein for overshadowing one of my greatest physical accomplishments.
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